I didn’t know it until this morning, but my seven-year-old son has definite opinions on afros, a hairstyle which my father rocked in the ’70s to excellent effect.

This morning we were watching the final match of the regular season for two Australian SuperRugby clubs, the New South Wales Waratahs and the Queensland Reds, a match which ended at 7:30am for us on the east coast of the U.S.

This man had a good game.

This is Tatafu Polota-Nau, hooker for the Waratahs. As my son’s attention was drawn to him, he felt compelled to offer this opinion: “That’s a nice beard. I don’t normally like the fluffy hairstyle, I think it looks silly. But the beard matches pretty well with it.”

So there you have it, fluffy style. If you’re planning on growing an afro, and want to keep my son’s respect, grow out that beard.

Grape Candy Mustache Most Comprehensive Review Ever

Jul7

My friends, I do not know how I reached the ripe old age that I have without knowing that men make candy out of wax, but I did. I bought this at an awesome little “general store” (you know, that new-fangled sort that’s popping up all over, full of candy and expensive knickknacks) in downtown Greer, with the intent of doing a review. I wondered aloud about the wisdom of using the word “wax” in one’s branding; it didn’t seem like good marketing. My wife stared at me, rolled her eyes, and asked where I’d been my whole life.

I’ve been in a paradise of good candy, that’s where.

The first ingredient of this stuff really is wax. Apparently people find this normal. I suppose I should appreciate another combination of mustache with wax, but I cannot.

My review of it is below. I get the kids’ input.

“This Is How A Human Male Looks”

Apr25

Morgan Spurlock of Supersize Me fame is creating what might be his most enduring contribution to human civilization: a study of what it takes to be manly and handsome, or “mansome”.

This past weekend I listened to a Greenville Country sheriff’s deputy talk about his trips to a local place to wax his chest. I was dismayed to hear this; I’d had no warning, it wasn’t like this guy was a body-builder. And did you know that there’s perfume specifically designed for the male groin area?

How much grooming does “mansome” allow for? Does this count as mansome?

Beards Under Attack At M.I.T.?

Apr21

This is my pops. He’s a pretty impressive dude. He’s the life of the party. He drinks great wine, and brings plenty for all. He tells terrible jokes and everyone thinks they’re hilarious. He smokes great cigars, and brings plenty for all. His beard is white. The Most Interesting Man In The World modeled his look on my dad’s.

People, he got his doctorate at M. I. freakin’ T. Do you hear what I’m saying?

My dad rocked the beard hard when he was at M.I.T. He was no baby-faced undergrad, so his situation was different from that of most young men who come into M.I.T. But surely he will be concerned to hear this news: beards at M.I.T. are under attack!

Thankfully Naveen Sunkavally has come to the rescue. Thank you Mr. Sunkavally.

Typically those who complain against beards are the very people who can’t grow them in the first place.

A beard (for men) is like a well-endowed midsection: You’ve either got it or you don’t. And those who don’t have it sometimes descend into furious, animated mudslinging that masks an inner frustration.

You’ve probably known these types of people. These always paw their chin insistently and consistently trying to eke out of their peach-fuzz a semblance of the real thing. At night, they probably take a magnifying glass to their faces and look in the mirror trying to spot and nourish the slightest bit of growth. And then in the morning, after a night of frustration, they awake fresh and ready for a new day of mudslinging.

The rest of the article is a wonderful exposition of the virtues and applications of beard in daily life. Read it to see how helpful to individual and society the beard can be.

At the end Mr. Sunkavally tosses in a completely gratuitous slam which I here include, because I also enjoy talking trash about white people: “Extremely light-skinned males may, however, look ridiculous with beards.”