Well, here it is. The connoisseur’s review of all reviews: Four Loko. Don’t know how long it’s been around, but I didn’t know what Four Loko was until this year, when the one time I watched the news on TV (as opposed to getting it from wikipedia and facebook) there was a story about a police sting on convenience store customers willing to buy for a minor. Kid walks up to person outside gas station, says “Hey, I’m too young, will you go inside and buy me some Four Loko?” “Some what?” “Four Loko, man, it’s a drink.”
So I knew it was a drink. I’d also found out somewhere that it had caffeine and “herbal supplements” added for the classic Red-Bull-and-vodka effect. The state decided to nix that, however, so I had to sip the very anemic, non-energizing version: a 12% ABV Kool-Aid.
So hopefully this review has the same effect on you that a Ben Folds cover of an Ice Cube song has on an Ice Cube fan.